I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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