id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
