Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm both gender and math confused
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