and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
God, I missed his penis.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
