my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
