i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
