I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
