Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize