I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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