I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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