Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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