Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
