some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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