I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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