It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize