I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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