When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize