i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
