I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
