you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
