The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
