you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Enjoy the penises
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
