Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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