it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
