Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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