i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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