Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
