i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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