i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize