I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need a beard to bite.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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