she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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