She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
