I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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