just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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