I will die if light touches me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
