If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
