thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
