Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i now understand why vodka
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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