we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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