im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
