I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
