Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
