A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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