How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
