I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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