Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
