# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
