yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
