Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
