he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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