is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
