so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
