So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
