If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
