Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
