Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
