What did we do last night that was yellow?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
