you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
