The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
