No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
