at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize