can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
