So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just high enough for therapy.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize