What did we do last night that was yellow?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
