Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize