all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
