he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
