just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
